nesting * geeking * critiquing

I Need Some Scotch

Tape, that is.

A lesser woman might not admit that her thighs rub together when she walks.  Of course, a lesser woman would probably have thin thighs that don’t rub together when she walks, so she wouldn’t have anything to admit.

I am not a lesser woman.  I am a more-er woman, and I’m not afraid to admit it.  Ashamed, maybe, but not afraid.

Sure, my thighs are thicker than I’d like, but I place full blame on denim companies.  It’s not the friction from my movement that causes excessive wear to the jeans, it’s the societal impact.  The economy is down, so they make cheaper product that doesn’t last as long.  The Achilles heel (or thigh, as it were) breaks down; what’s a self-respecting girl to do but reach for the Scotch tape?!  More jeans sold, more tape sold.  All of those mega-corporations are in cahoots, I tell you.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, refer to this handy-dandy tutorial…

Make Freddie Krueger fingers with tape, like so.

Then casually walk to the restroom.  If anyone sees you and questions the tape fingers, make something up.  Tell them you’re going to go tape up your arm flab or face to see what you’d look like with cosmetic surgery.  Odds are that will end the questioning.

Once in private, create a cross-hatch pattern with the tape (as shown below), covering the threadbare area.  Tip: do this on the inside of your clothing, not the outside.  It’ll feel like you have little kitty claws scratching you as you walk, but it won’t be noticeable to passersby.

Please note, this is a fancy napkin that I’ve damaged to simulate a worn article of clothing.  I do not wear polka-dotted jeans.  If I had them, I’d wear them, but I don’t.

Voila!  Continue your day as if your clothing had no defect.  And make every effort not to walk like a cowboy.  The little cat-scratch feeling is unpleasant, but don’t go all bowlegged trying to avoid it.

When you get home, you need only remember to either fix the garment or pitch it.

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3 responses

  1. I just now saw your wp “name”. I’m going to give it a wild and crazy diy-nerd guess here and say Star Wars fan born in February? “Darth” is cool and self-explanatory…. but the Amethystos is sheer genius. And if I’m wrong… well. I know better than to go against a lord of the sith… 😉 However, should it please you (and you won’t air-choke me, lol) I shall follow thy blog. 😀

    5.25.2012 at 5:06 pm

    • Thou art correct on both counts. I shall honor thy pledge to follow. Welcome to the Thicket! 🙂

      5.25.2012 at 6:07 pm

    • Shweet! just let the Ewoks know, I’m a goooood guy (err… girl.. woman… nerd?) Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Yoda victory-dance to perform.

      Go, will I? yesss…. Your birthday, will I party like.

      5.25.2012 at 6:20 pm

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